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Trivial Undertakings…

Logan sat quietly in the overstuffed armchair chewing absently on an unlit cigar. The evening had been Warren’s idea…a bonding experience, he’d said. So far, Logan was the only one in the room.

‘At least there’s plenty of brews…’ He thought.

“I really do not see the point of this…” Stacy grumbled as she wandered into the room with Bobby.

Bobby, already getting into the spirit of the evening, was chomping on a handful of potato chips. “We spend so much of our time putting out mutant-related fires we don’t get a lot of time to just kick back and get to know each other…” He shrugged. “Like Warren said…it’s a bonding experience.”

“‘Bonding experience’ my tight, scaly butt!” She growled. “If you want me to feel part of the team why don’t you just give me a stupid codename and be done with it? Or haven’t I earned one yet?”

Bobby thought on that for a moment. “You know…I don’t think we ever actually EARNED our codenames…they were just sort of given to us…based on our powers…our appearance…” He glanced at Logan. “Our attitude…”

“I…see…” She arched a brow. “So this whole ‘bonding’ thing is all for my benefit then, is it?”

“Not entirely…” Bobby admitted. “I’ve known Warren for ages…but Logan and Kurt…well…this is the first time I’ve really been on a team with either one of them…and…to be honest…when I first met Kurt…I was exactly that nice to him…”

“You were an asshole.” Logan stated simply.

“That’s a bit harsh don’t you think?” Bobby turned to face him.

“Nope.”

Bobby sighed. “No…” He said softly. “I guess it’s not…”*

“So how did Kurt get to be named after fish bait?” Stacy asked with an arched brow, attempting to lighten the mood.

“I always wondered that myself.” Bobby mused. “I guess it’s got to do with his colouring…and the fact that he can basically crawl on anything…”

“He’s had it since his circus days…it’s what he used during his acrobatic performances…” Logan spoke up. “‘Sides…it’s an American term for fish bait…and he ain’t American…”

“He hasn’t got a citizenship?” Stacy asked.

“Nope.” Logan said simply. “Neither do I…we’re both proud of where we came from.”

“Well…I can understand where you all got you’re names from…” She admitted. “Do I get to pick my own?”

Bobby shrugged. “I guess…if you really want to…”

“Powers…appearance…attitude…hmmm…” She thought for a moment. A wicked smirk split her face.

“Why do I get the feeling I’m gonna regret letting her pick her own codename?” Bobby looked at Logan.

“If she agreed to join this outfit she’s gotta be pretty screwed in the head…” Logan commented. “We’ll probably come to regret lots of things about her…”

She was still smirking. It was obvious that she had something in mind. And it was obvious that it wasn’t going to be something nice…

“Okay…” Bobby sighed. “Let’s hear it…”

“Orgasma…” She purred.

“You have got to be kidding me.” Bobby’s jaw dropped.

“Are you saying you don’t think that way when you think about me?” She winked at him.

Warren chose that moment to walk in, a dark blue box tucked under his light blue arm. He acknowledged the trio with a slight frown.

“Where’s Kurt?” He asked.

“You know, we seemed to be asking that more and more often lately…” Bobby noted.

“He’s not sulking on the roof again is he?” Stacy asked.

“Nah…” Logan answered. “He just hasn’t got in from his day job…”

It seemed the perfect cue, and Kurt somehow managed to take it as he entered, dragging his feet. He was still dressed in his other uniform…for his day job, as Logan had put it.

“Ack…” He grumbled as he flopped down in the armchair adjacent Logan’s. “When will they realise that confession doesn’t mean I want a blow by blow account of their entire life story? It’s just the juicy stuff…”

“Awww…” Stacy sympathised. “Tough day at the office?”

“You have no idea…” Kurt sighed. He flinched as she began to massage his shoulders.

“Just let Aunty Orgasma relieve all that holy frustration…” She purred.

“Aunty WHAT?” He pulled away, looking at her with almost horrified eyes.

“She picked herself a codename.” Bobby informed him.

“Orgasma?” Warren queried, as horrified as Kurt.

“I am NOT calling you that.” Kurt said, curtly.

“Too much for your priestly sensitivities?” She asked.

“No…” He countered. “It is not becoming for a lady…”

She was taken aback. She wasn’t sure how to respond. Of all the X-Men she’d have thought he’d be the least forgiving of her former occupation. The least likely to see her as more than what she’d been…

And yet…he saw her as a lady…

Logan chuckled. “Even with the collar, you’re still smooth, Elf.”

“Can’t change all the habits of a lifetime…” He smiled. “So…shall we get this game under way?”

~~~~~~

“Okay, Stacy…” Warren said as he squinted at the text on the card he held. “What 1949 musical featured the song ‘Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend’?”

“And, remember…” Bobby warned. “This is for a wedge…you know the consequences if you don’t get it…”

“It WAS my suggestion, Icicle…” She pointed out.

“I can’t believe you let her talk you into a game of strip Trivial Pursuit…” Kurt shook his head. “And that I agreed to it. Hardly fitting my chosen vocation…”

“We ARE supposed to be getting to know each other…” She winked at him.

“I don’t think Warren meant it to be quite so…intimate…” Kurt pointed out.

“That’s why I added the ‘once you’re down to your smalls your out’ clause.” Warren said. “So what’s your answer?”

“Well…”

“C’mon…” Kurt smirked as he took a swig of beer from the bottle in his tail. “It’s SO easy!”

“Well excuse me.” She glared at him. “Not all of us have seen every movie under the sun!”

“Man’s gotta have a hobby.” Logan smirked around his still unlit cigar.

“Especially when he’s limited himself like Kurt.” Bobby added. “No sneaking out for a little…you know what I mean…” He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Kurt arched a brow at the comment.

“No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women…” Bobby sang. “No fun, no sin, no…yeow!” He was silenced by a sudden wing-strut to the side of the head.

“I don’t think they have a problem with WINE.” Stacy said, indicating the tail encased beer bottle. “They drink it during service for crying out loud…”

“True…” Bobby admitted. “But there still all the other stuff…they guy’s missing out!”

Kurt smiled. Steepleing his hands he leant forward. “So tell me, Bobby…” He asked. “When was the last time YOU snuck out for a little…you know what I mean? Or any of that other stuff you mentioned?”

“Well…” Bobby pulled a face.

“Looks to me like we’re both missing out…” Kurt leant back again. “But MINE’S voluntary…”

Logan, Warren and Stacy burst out laughing at Bobby’s obvious discomfort.

“And God Boy scores a direct hit!” Stacy beamed, holding up her hand for a high five, which Kurt happily obliged, despite being two fingers short.

“Okay…” Warren said as he sobered. “Quit stalling. What’s your answer?”

“I know it was some Marilyn Munroe thing…” She frowned. “Some Like It Hot?”

“Ooohhh…” Kurt winced. “So close…”

“Gentlemen Prefer Blondes…” Warren smirked as he read out the answer.

“Woo Hoo!” Bobby whooped. “You know the rules!”

“It REALLY has been a long time, hasn’t it?” She threw him a crooked smile before reaching under the table. She watched, amused, as four eyebrows arched with varying degrees of curiosity. Her hand emerged and she flicked something black and lacy at Bobby, who instinctively caught it.

“Stacy…” Warren warned.

“Don’t ruffle your feathers…” She looked at him. “It’s a garter.”

“You wear garters?” Logan’s brow arched again.

“I do when I decide to suggest a game of strip Trivial Pursuit.”

Bobby was playing with the lacy band. He stretched it to it’s extreme and donned it as a headband.

“I think we’ve found your new look, Bobby.” Warren commented.

“Man…you’re gonna wreak it!” Stacy protested. “I should have flicked it at Kurt…seen if he can blush under that fur.”

“It would take a lot more than that to make me blush…” Kurt smirked at her.

“Okay, Kurt…” Warren nodded to the blue-furred mutant. “Your go…”

Kurt rolled the die and moved his little blue plastic piece. There had been a big argument as to who should have the blue token. Warren and Bobby had both laid claim, until Logan put an end to the argument, awarding it to Kurt. He pointed out that Kurt deserved it due to the fact that he had been blue all his life…

“Okay…” Warren noted. “Entertainment…” He drew another card from the box in front of him. “What was Deep Thought’s answer…”

“Forty two.” Kurt said quickly.

Warren looked at him with mock annoyance. “Can I at least finish the question?” Kurt was surprisingly good at the game. He already managed to nab four of the necessary six pieces…

“Knock yourself out.” Kurt shrugged.

Warren cleared his throat and started again. “What was Deep Thought’s answer to the Great Question of Life, the Universe and Everything?”

“I stand by my forty two…” He beamed as he picked up the die and rolled again. “Ack!” He groaned. “History! And a wedge too!”

“You don’t like history?” Stacy questioned.

“I like history just fine.” Kurt informed her. “It’s just this is the American edition and I learnt history in Germany…I know next to nothing of American history…”

“Who was the only US president and vice-president never elected to either office?” Warren intoned.

“Case in point…” Kurt mumbled. “Did people actually vote for Richard Nixon?” He asked.

“Dunno…” Warren admitted. “But that’s not the answer…it’s Gerald Ford…”

“It’s about time you lost something…” Stacy smirked.

“Yeah…” Bobby, who was already stripped to the waist, added. “You must be getting awfully hot…”

Kurt looked as if he was going to stick his tongue out at them. Instead he slipped a finger into the neck of his shirt and flicked out the starched white collar. Logan chuckled, but the others just stared him down.

“What?” He asked in all innocence.

“That is NOT an article of clothing!” Warren frowned.

“Sure it is…” Kurt said. “Think of it as a tie.”

They continued to stare.

“You let Stacy use a garter!” He protested.

Still the triple stare.

“Fine…” He mumbled as he pulled his shirt off over his head. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on the point of view, he was wearing a white tee shirt underneath. “Happy now?”

”You look cute all ruffled like that…” Stacy commented as she ruffled his unruly hair even more so.

“Quite.” Warren smiled. “You’re up Logan…”

“Whoopee…” He said, totally devoid of enthusiasm.

“Arts and Literature…” Kurt noted. “One of my favourites…”

“They’re all your favourites…” Bobby sneered around a mouthful of beer.

“Except History…” Stacy corrected.

“Okay…” Warren smirked at the surly Canadian. “What four evangelists wrote the Gospels?”

Logan leaned towards Kurt. “A little help?” He asked.

“I cannot do that mein freund…” He smiled.

Logan’s brows knit as he thought. “John…” He began. “Paul…” He added. “George and Ringo?”

“Ah…the Gospel according to Ringo…‘I get by with a little help from my friends’…” Kurt sighed. “Words to live by…”

“Love is all you need…” Warren added.

“We all live in a yellow submarine…?” Bobby suggested.

“You got it wrong…” Stacy smiled at him.

“Yeah…yeah…yeah…” Logan leaned back and peeled the socks from his feet.

“Euew!” Stacy protested as she, Bobby and Kurt began to recoil in mock terror.

“Quick, Kurt!” Bobby exclaimed. “Teleport! We’ve got to cover up that smell!”

“Oh hardy ha ha!” Logan intoned.

~~~~~~

As the game and the night wore on, it came down to two combatants.

Kurt and Warren, both now stripped to the waist, threw questions and answers back and forth across the board. Warren’s voice was slurred, Kurt’s accent thicker, but both seemed to still be sharp as tacks.

“It’s amazing the amount of trivial crap those two have got crammed in their heads.” Stacy commented. Logan just shrugged.

Her attention was drawn to Bobby, face down on the table and snoring softly. He’d passed out quite a while ago, shortly after he lost his penultimate item of clothing. When he was no longer part of the game he’d filled his time downing brews.

He snorted in his sleep, attracting the attention of the battling mutants. Kurt smiled. “De boy cannot hold his liquor…” He noted. “Dat’s vhat it ist…”

“Jus’ roll the dice…” Warren mumbled.

“Ooohhh…” Stacy cooed. “In the hub with all the wedges…”

“Okay you two…” Warren looked at Logan and Stacy. “Pick the category…”

The pair exchanged a wicked glance.

“Entertainment…” The said in unison.

“You’re giving him Entertainment?” Warren questioned.

“Me tink dey vant to see you lose, Varren…” Kurt beamed.

“He knows every Entertainment question in the damn box!” Warren continued.

“Dat is a gross exaggeration, Warren…” Kurt protested.

“Every second one then…” He amended.

“I tink I can agree to dat…” Kurt nodded.

“Okay…” He grumbled. He flicked a card from the box, squinting at it as he tried to focus. “Oh, for God’s sake!”

“Please do not use de Lord’s name in vain…” Kurt looked at him seriously. “It is offensive to me…”

“You concedin’?” Logan asked.

“There is no way on earth he won’t know this…” Warren said, brandishing the card in his face.

Logan flinched the card from his grasp, read the question, and burst out laughing.

“Vhat?” Kurt asked with a smile.

“Check it out…” Logan held it in front of him.

“Heh…” Kurt chuckled. “Looks like de Lord does look after his anointed…”

“Bah!” Warren rose quickly, inadvertently bashing Bobby with his wing.

“Nargh?” Bobby questioned as he looked up sleepily. Several brightly coloured plastic wedges skittled across the table. Several more remained stuck to his face.

“Kurt just beat Warren’s butt.” Logan told him.

“Nargh…” Bobby mumbled, satisfied. He collapsed back onto the table and immediately started snoring again.

“But he hasn’t answered the question…” Stacy pointed out, snatching the card from Logan. “Now what’s so damn funny…?” She frowned. “What 1935 film propelled Errol Flynn to fame?” She eyed the others. “So…give…what’s so damn funny about that?”

“Liebling …” Kurt smiled. “If you consider dat dere is a framed reproduction of dis movie’s poster in mein room upstairs…you might understand de humour, ja?”

“Errol Flynn’s the Elf’s boyhood idol…” Logan told her. “There’s not a thing about him he don’t know…”

“Your boyhood idol was a womanising Australian…?” Stacy began.

“And suspected Nazi sympathiser…” Kurt interjected.

“And you turned out to be a priest?” Stacy put her hands on her hips. “Now, I can see the humour in THAT!”


*Wanna know what Logan’s talking about? Check here